To death
by winchester-sweetheart
Summary: As he dies one brother remembers moments in his life that at the time seemed insignificant, but now seem to be the most important moments in his short life. Deathfic.


**To death **

**Okay, I wrote this at about 4 o'clock in the morning and I know it's not the best peice of writing. I was just so bored and I felt the urge to write down what was in my head. I like the idea of it. I just wish I'd taken a little more time to make it as good as i wanted it to be. Sorry.**

**Anyway I hope you like it. If it's confusing just tell me. There are no spoilers (I'm pretty sure).**

**CAUTION: This is a deathfic. I won't tell you of which brother, but you should be able to pick it up.**

**I don't own anything supernatural (one day hopefully when I rule the world). Please don't sue me, I'm only 17!**

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There is so much I want to tell you. So many feelings and emotions you need to understand. You'll never know what you mean to me. I've tried to tell you. Over and over I've tried to explain how much you mean to me. I wouldn't have survived without you.

**---------------------------------------**

**12 years ago**

_"Happy birthday, Sam!" Dean burst into Sam's room and threw himself on top of his bleary-eyed little brother. "Wake up." _

_Sam swiped his hand back and forth half- heartedly at Dean's glowing face._

"_Leave me alone!"_

_Dean bounced up and down on the bed-springs, springing Sam with him._

"_You don't want to miss the big surprise I've got for you." _

_The 16-year-old, getting no response from his brother, stopped jumping. He climbed down slowly, placing his feet solidly on the ground._

"_Fine, if you don't want what I got for you," Dean imitated a hurt voice. "I'll have to take it back to the shop."_

_Sam groaned loudly and shot a deadly glance at his big brother before noticing the time on his bedside clock. It was seven o'clock in the morning._

"_Fine," Sam muttered begrudgingly. He continued muttering and cussing under his breath as he stretched his legs to the cold, wooden floor._

_Dean quickly grabbed the shorter boy's arm and pulled him eagerly into the hotel's lounge room. _

"_C'mon, man, you're moving like some idiot just woke you up from a great dream!" Dean was jumping excitedly like a disorientated kangaroo, weaving swiftly around the furniture spread aimlessly across the room. _

_They had been staying at the sandstorm motel for only a few days, but already the Winchester's hotel room looked like the two boys had lived there for years._

"_Is Dad back?" The younger boy asked, energised by the thought of his Father being home for his birthday._

"_Nah, man, sorry," Dean always regretted having to be the one to tell Sam that. John had missed all of Sam's birthdays except for his tenth; even then he was only there because he needed help with a poltergeist, he hadn't remembered. "But I am, that's even better."_

"_Yeah, I guess you are," the mature boy tried to reassure Dean, but succeeded only in sounding disappointed. "He wouldn't have remembered anyway."_

_Dean slowly pulled a large, black box from behind the worn coffee table that was falling apart in front of them._

"_Tah-dah!" _

_Sam pulled at the loosely tied ribbon holding the lid of the box together with the base of it and dropped it to the ground. Without second glance at the ribbon he slowly opened the box to find a shiny, metal gun. His face dropped immediately as he realised this fact._

"_What's wrong? It's a __Smith & Wesson__ Model 686," Dean tried in vain to convince Sam of the quality of his gift. "It took me three weeks to find one of those."_

"_No, man, it's good, really," Sam was disappointed with his present, he was hoping Dean would pick up his hints, obviously Dean was denser than he'd given credit. "Thanks, Dean."_

_Suddenly a knowing grin spread across the older boy's lips, the smile that made Sam feel like he was being excluded from a funny joke._

"_I had a feeling you wouldn't go for that," Dean shrugged his shoulders and pulled another box from behind the couch this time. "I'm not as thick as you think I am."_

_He handed the cardboard to Sam, his grin turning into a full-blown beam. _

_Inside the box sat a clunky, black laptop. Just what Sam wanted._

"_It's a powerbook 140," Dean informed his ecstatic brother. "I guess I'll have the gun then."_

"_Oh, Dean, thank you so much," Sam took his eyes off his new toy for just a second to ensure that Dean knew he meant what he was saying. "You are the best brother ever!"_

"_I know, I know," was the more experienced boy's modest response. "I knew you'd like it." _

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You tried so hard to be there for me. You raised me. I am the man I am today because of you and I never thanked you. I thought I'd have time to tell you how much I look up to you. You're my hero. Everything that I am is you. All those times I told you… all those times I put you down, I will never get to apologise to you and it is the only thing I want to do right now.

**----------------------------------**

**8 years ago**

_Sam sat in the hotel room so close to tears he could barely stand it. Being dumped by a girl sure wasn't his idea of a good time. _

_He tried to remember he was 16 and guys with any masculinity at all aren't supposed to cry, at least that's what his brother told him. So he just sat, blankly staring at the wall suppressing them in silence._

_When there was a knock on the door Sam nearly fell off the bed in surprise._

_Dean casually popped his head through the already slightly opened door, making sure Sam wasn't naked, before knocking again._

"_What's going? I haven't heard you make a sound for about an hour. I thought that maybe you'd decided to become a normal teenager for once and snuck out the window. "_

_Noticing Sam's anguished expression Dean lets himself in._

"_Sammy? You okay?" He sat himself next to his brother on the uncomfortable mattress._

"_It's Sam!" The younger, but increasingly taller boy grunted._

"_Okkkkaaay. Geez, you don't have to get all worked up." Dean replied, holding his arms up as if to surrender._

_Dean waited patiently for Sam to look less aggravated before he spoke again._

"_Is this about Abigale?" he asked cautiously, knowing the answer as yes._

_Sam nodded his head slowly, ashamed that a girl had resorted him to this._

"_What happened?" Dean asked, sounding sincere._

"_She broke up with me. She told me she was seeing someone else who's more 'mysterious.'" Sam emphasised the last word by curving his fingers into inverted commas. _

_Dean only just subdued a laugh and Sam wasn't too upset to notice that slip up._

"_What?" The teenager asked angrily. "Am I that pathetic?"_

"_Nah, man, it's just… is there really anyone at your school as mysterious as you?"_

_Sam didn't find this funny and continued to sulk._

"_You really liked Abigale, didn't you?" The elder asked, bewildered._

"_Of course I did, we were together for three months. She was the first person I ever kissed."_

_Sam knew his brother wouldn't understand. He could've loved Abbie; she could've been 'the one'. Dean would never feel the way he felt about her. _

_He felt a warm tear role down his cheek, unable to wipe it away before it became visible to his brother. _

_Sam was sure Dean would laugh, he was sure his 'cool' older brother would see him shed his tears and tell him to grow up, to get over it, that there were plenty of other 'chicks' out there for him to roost. _

_Instead, Dean silently put his arm over Sam's shoulders and pulled him close, while whispering in his ear; "She doesn't know what she's missing out on. Cry as much as you want tonight. I won't tell anyone. Later we can talk about getting revenge on that bitch." _

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I don't want you to be upset, it isn't your fault. I'm in this position because I'm supposed to be. You have so much to finish, so much more to give to the world. Don't miss me. I know how much you hate being alone, but you won't be. I promise I'll be with you. I'll always be with you, whether you feel me or not I swear to you I'll be there.

**---------------------------------**

**5 years ago**

"_Don't go," Dean pleaded with his younger brother as he strode angrily through the motel parking lot. _

_Sam continued without turning, straight towards the bus stop._

"_Sam! Would you listen to me?"_

_The 19-year-old spun around to face his shorter but older brother, well aware that Dean was able to kick his arse. He was angry, furious in fact and sick of constantly fighting with his father about his future. This was the last straw, this time he was never turning back. He was going to California to study at university and he wasn't coming back. Not this time._

"_What, Dean?" He couldn't help but shout at his brother, the peacekeeper._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_Away."_

"_He didn't mean what he said." Dean stated, referring to the fight between father and youngest son._

"_He did, he always does and I'm sick of it! I've been waiting for him all my life. I'm done waiting." Sam started towards to bus station again almost as angry as when he'd left the motel room and his father's furious face._

"_Wait! Sam! C'mon talk to me." Dean pleaded, easily catching up with the longer limbed man._

_Sam stopped in his tracks and turned to face his brother. _

"_I'm so sick of it all, Dean. You're always on his side, even when you know I'm right. You're scared of him and he uses that against me. You're like his little robot son and I'm his mistake! Why is it like that, huh? Why can't you stick up for me? Why can't you act like my brother instead of my enemy? I can't stand it. If you're not on my side you're on his and obviously you're not on mine, so…" He shrugged his shoulders viciously, loathing in his eyes._

_Dean couldn't speak. He was shocked. He had no idea how this had become about him being a bad brother. He'd never considered himself a bad brother and he didn't know where this was coming from, Sam had never said anything like this to him before._

"_I'm sorry." Dean whispered before Sam stalked away._

_The brothers didn't see each other for another 3 years._

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Goodbye. Don't miss me, don't hurt and please don't do anything stupid. Just remember that I am part of you and you'll never lose me if you keep me in your heart. I love you so much and the only thing I regret is not telling you that every day of my life.

**-----------------------------------------**

**10 minutes ago**

"_Sam look out!" Dean managed to cry as he watched the possessed teenager try to sneak towards the ignorant man._

_Heeding his older brother's warning Sam hurriedly spun and thrust his foot into the girl's chest, sending her flying into the wall, leaving a dent as her back hit hard._

_Dean grabbed the head of the possessed man he was fighting and smashed it against his knee, feeling the bone of the skull crack. The guy didn't fall, he swayed uneasily but stayed on his feet. Dean wasn't expecting the man's resistance to fall, so he automatically let his guard down. The next thing Dean knew he was being forced to the ground. Face up, he watched as his enemy lifted a chair above his head, intending to smash it into the unarmed man's face._

_He vaguely heard his brother call his name before he saw Sam throw himself onto the man with the chair, forcing him to drop it. Using a roundhouse kick to the head Sam was able to get the man on the ground._

_Standing over his brother Sam extended his hand to help him up. Dean took it graciously and pulled himself with the leverage and help from his brother._

"_You just stood there when that guy pushed you to the ground." Sam breathed with difficulty, the fight had evidently knocked the wind out of him. "I thought you were hurt."_

"_Nah, just surprised. I felt his head crack, I was expecting him to fall or something but he just kept standing there."_

"_What are we going to do with them? An exorcism? We could –" Sam never finished his sentence because the girl had regained consciousness. She came at them, first pushing Dean into the dining table before grabbing Sam and throwing him effortlessly into the glass cabinets above the stove. Dean recovered easily, grabbing the girl and swinging her face first into the knife drawer. This time she was definitely out cold._

"_Wow, that was close." Dean managed to say before noticing the excess of blood clinging to the shards of glass from the now broken cabinet. Sam was lying on his back in the middle of it with his eyes closed._

"_Sam!" Dean's worried cry didn't merit a response. Practically flying across the room he was at his brother's side in no time._

_He turned Sam gently, pulling him into his arms as he did so. _

"_Sam? Sam! Wake up." _

_It was then he noticed it. The reason his brother's face was white and still. Protruding from his stomach was a large shard of broken glass. _

_Dean pulled Sam further into his grasp and grabbed him under his chin. He shook it not viciously but hard enough to wake his brother up. He just needed to wake up._

_Slowly Sam opened his hazel eyes, with obvious effort._

"_De-" his whispered voice was cut off by the blood slowly filling his mouth and lungs._

"_Shhhh," Dean cooed. "Don't talk, everything's gonna be fine I promise."_

_Dean knew it was over when his brother stopped shivering and a trail of thick crimson fell from the side of Sam's mouth into his chocolate locks._

The last thing Sam saw, smelled and heard was his brother and that's how he'd always wanted to go out. He died in his brother's arms. Dean didn't let go until the paramedic pried his arms away.

_THE END_

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'**To death' is the name of my favourite Kisschasy song. If you get the chance I strongly advise you to listen to it. Very powerful and the perfect example of great Aussie music. In fact buy the album: 'Hymns for the non believer' **  
'All, all I know  
Down, down the drain  
Cold, cold in this  
Dark, dark, deep grave'


End file.
